Harry Potter and the battle of his own
by Areyousirius62442
Summary: This starts after Cedric's death and will continue from there, Harry has to fight a battle of his own when he falls into depression but can he be saved?, Contains self Harming and hints of anorexia in future chapters
1. First signs

**Disclaimer-I do not own Harry Potter this is purely fan fiction and the characters are purely the work of j . k Rowling**

Harry woke with a start he looked around the dormitories, he saw Ron sleeping on the bed next to him snoring away, Harry sat up and realised a tear was falling down his cheek, Not again he thought, he wiped it away. He Had that dream again, Cedric cold pale face as He was killed, Then Cedric rising from his body as the dark lord re awakened, his mouth open wide his eyes in his pure white, The death eaters Chanting, "POTTER SHALL BE PUNISHED, POTTER SHALL BE PUNISHED" Cedric saying in an echo "You killed me harry no one else, you should be punished" Voldemort snickering at this, Then he'd wake like he always did in a cold sweat.

Harry had sat there till 6am when he was finally aloud out of this dorm, He'd already dressed and headed to breakfast, but didn't eat anything, he just stared into his orange juice, "Harry?" It was Hermione, "Oh hey Hermione!" She took a seat on the Bench next to him, picked up a slice of toast and bit into it, "You not eating?" "I've already ate" "Oh right! Trust you!, Anyway, your never up this early" "Yeah well I couldn't sleep" he replied blunty, "Why not" "I dunno, Stayed up most of the night reading quidditch through the ages" "You look shattered harry, you should sleep before class!" "Nah I'll be fine" "you sure?" "Uh huh", they spent the next hour talking waiting for Ron when Ron had finally turned up it was, 7 30, " Come on, What we got first?" "Double potions" groaned Ron "I got to see Dumbledore" Ron and Hermione Glared at him "What?" Said Ron "why didn't you say your gonna be late now!" "I guess it slipped my mind see you guys!" "Bye" they muttered and gave harry a strange look as he left.

" Bon Bon" said harry and the door slid open, Harry sat waiting for Dumbledore, When the door opened Moody came out, "What you doing here boy?" "Waiting for the headmaster, Professer" "right" he grunted and walked down the stairs, Harry was greeted my Dumbledores sparkling blue eyes, "ah Harry come in!" "Thanks Headmaster" "What's the problem harry?" Harry wrung his hands "Harry?" "S-should I be punished sir?" "Whatever for?!" Harry looked down his eyes full of tears, he whispered "Cedric, it was my fault" Dumbledore placed a hand on the boys, "Cedric's death was not your fault harry, there was nothing you could do to stop it" tears started to fall down Harry's cheeks as he stood up " I could of told him to Dodge o-or jumped in front of him!, I told him to take the cup!," Dumbledores eyes darkens full of concern, " Harry you did not know the cup was a port key, and it all happened to quickly for that" "B-but, But!" " no buts harry go to lesson now and think about what I have said"

Harry, Knocked on his potions class door, and walked in, "Your late Potter!, Ten points from gyriffindor!" (is that how you spell it?) "I was with the headmaster sir" "another 10 points! For defiance!" Harry day was not gonna get any better...

 **Thanks for reading guys!, Again I don't own harry potter its purely j k rowlings work!,**

 **Please review (sorry its short!)**


	2. Harry begins to break!

**Disclaimer- Again guys I don't own any of this, Harry Potter is Purely J. 's**

Harry was walking to lunch with Ron and Hermione, When Malfoy Turned up, "Hi ya! mudblood!,Hand me down!, Scar face! " Crabbe and goyle laughed at this, Then something happened to harry he felt like a shaken bottle being opened up, And he found himself with his hands on Malfoys throat "SAY THAT AGAIN ABOUT RON AND HERMIONE GO ON I DARE YOU" Malfoy gulped Ron and Hermione managed to pull harry off, but by now it was too late, half the school had seen it, Harry Walked on to the lunch room, Ron and Hermione followed him shouting his name "Harry wait up!" Shouted Hermione with Ron next to her shouting "Harry mate stop!" Harry sat at the lunch table where Ron and Hermione, next to him "harry" Hermione had said "What was that mate!" "Please don't speak, I don't know what happened to me back there, can you guys just stay with me?" Hermione nodded and put a hand on Harry's shoulder, "alright" said Ron, Harry had put on two sandwiches and some crisps on his plate, and only managed to eat a few crisps, his friends knew to leave him be.

After lunch Snape walked up to harry, "My office now!" He bellowed Snape led Harry in, "I have come to an understanding you have tried to harm one of my students am I correct?" Harry pursed his lips "Yes Professer" "And whom I may ask did you assault?" "Draco Malfoy sir" " You have no shame Potter! A swine just like your father!" "I-i know I am sir..." Snape did not expect this response, he'd expected Potter to lash out "I have Consulted the headmaster, you shall go to his office before bed, now get out my sight Potter!" Harry walked out to attend his next lesson, afterwards he skipped dinner and went straight to the Gyriffindor tower, He lay on the sofa staring up at the ceiling, "I don't deserve to be admired by hundreds of wizards, my parents don't deserve to of had a son like me, My mothers sacrifice was worthless" he'd thought he'd said this in his head but apparently he'd said it out loud, he mustn't let that happen again.

Harry began walking to Dumbledores Office, "Bon Bon" the doors slid open, Soon as he walked in he saw Dumbledore in the waiting area waiting for him he assumed, "Come in Harry" And he pointed to his Office, Once sat down Dumbledore didn't speak for a long time he was writing something down, his half moon glasses Peering at Harry every so often, suddenly he spoke 'So I guess you know why you here Harry" "Yes,Headmaster sir" "may I ask why did you assault Mr malfoy? He says it was of no reason, but I do not believe that Harry" "He insulted Ron and Hermione sir" "Do not fear to correct me harry, but it is to my understanding he does this regularly, so why the sudden outburst?" Dumbledore was looking deeply into Harry's eyes the Shocking Emerald color was fading, "I dont know sir, i felt like something just burst inside of me I know its sounds stupid but.." "Harry, Since I know you've been having a hard time recently, I will let you of with a detection with Snape and 20 points from gryffindor, but you do understand if it happens again in future the punishment will be harsher" "Yes sir my apologies" "You may go harry" "Thank you sir.

Harry went to bed straight after, And pulled his curtains around him he picked up something It was the album hagrid had given him three years ago, tears fell onto the cover as Harry bent the metal holding it together he felt and itching in his wrist and began to scratch hard with it, but he then realised the Itch wasn't there, No he thought its not that bad I'm being stupid, tossed the album aside and curled up in his covers and tried to sleep...

 **So there you go guys Chapter 2!,**

 **Hope you enjoyed it the chapters will be longer soon I promise!,**

 **This is Once again J k Rowling's I do not own Harry potter!**

 **Though I wish I did!**

 **Please review!**


	3. Tell me I'm not breaking

**Disclaimer-I dont own any of the harry potter universe it is j. 's**

 _Harry turned around, Cedric was behind him he was waving, Something was pulling harry away from him, Cho was running up to Cedric and he scooped her into his arms, Then Cedric whispered something into Cho's ear, she smirked, They both pulled out knifes and ran towards harry,_

 _Harry began to run as fast and his legs would take him, But they were just too fast they both stabbed Harry in the back,_

 _Then the scene changed It was Voldemort, Laughing, And Laughing he kept on doing it until harry looked beside him, There was a doe beside him dying she had green eyes, the doe started to fade, up until it was ghostly pale and it said "Why?" Harry turned around to meet Cedric's Face which was falling apart, rotting falling to the ground, "Wake up harry" His gormless expression did not change as he said this,_

Harry awoke with a start, His head was throbbing, but it wasn't like his scar hurting, it felt like a pinball was going from one side of his head to the other.

He looked at his watch then realised it was still water damaged from the second task, he got up moved his curtains to one side, he fiddled around wit Ron's draw till it opened.

BANG!,

There was a loud crash in the dorm, Some people stirred but did not awake Ron continued to snore, 'God' harry thought, 'That boy can really sleep' Harry looked at the contents of the drawer, A few Joke wands of Fred and George's, Some chocolate frogs and a pocket watch, Ron's father had given him in his first year, It was gold but obviously wasn't real gold though it shined, some magic had probably been put on it.

Harry looked at the time 5 30 'huh' he'd slept longer than usual today, He yawned got dressed and picked up all Ron's things and this drawer.

Once harry had finished, tidying and getting himself ready it was give past six and he clambered down the stairs to breakfast he looked across the hall to find Hermione with her head in Hogwarts a history as per usual.

'Damn' harry thought to himself, he didn't feel hungry and Hermione was sure to question him, Yet he sat down next to her and plastered on a Smile, "Hey, Hermione" She didn't even realise he was there till he spoke, she was too engrossed in her book, "Oh, Hey didn't see you there!"

"Apparently not" said harry ironically as he poured a cup of coffee for himself, "Did you not sleep again?" "Well I slept better, I had to finish the essay for Defence against the dark arts" "That's good I guess, but your getting no sleep maybe that's why your cranky all of a sudden" Harry glared at her, He Wanted to have a go at her,but that'd only prove her point more Hermione's brow frowned, "Ur Harry?" "I am not cranky" he said putting on a voice which sounded like Dumbledores "Okay,Okay!" "who's cranky now?" He ruffled her hair playfully, "Stop that!" She took off his glasses "That's not even funny!" "Stop then" "Fine, I will " he laughed, it was the first time he'd laughed in a while.

After breakfast, of which Ron had missed from Lying in they had Dada, With Moody, Harry was sitting next to Ron on the end of the row, He could hear someone giggling behind him "Ur, Harry mate?" "Yeah" "You have a post it on your back" "Well get it off then!" Ron ribbed it off his back, the girls behind him one of which was pansy, stopped giggling, Ron passed the note to harry, it read 'Potter stinks'.

"How immature" said harry and he screwed it up into a ball and threw it on the ground, suddenly, Moody's voice filled the room "Everyone hand in your essays on the Three unforgivable curses!" Moody went round collecting everyone's essays he'd handed out three detentions so far one to Neville who didn't do enough, one to Ron because Ron 'forgot and another to Draco.

They learnt in depth about the Killing curse, Much to Harry's displeasure, He kept on thinking about his mum and how her sacrifice meant nothing, then all of a sudden a tear fell onto his paper, Moody was glancing over at him, with that freaky eye of his, Harry felt a hand on his back, It was Ron's.

"Mate, What's up? you've gone all pale!" "I just don't feel good that's all" Hermione had suddenly took interest and waved moody over, 'Oh god no, Hermione please no!' He thought moody discussed something with Hermione then moody faced Harry and said to him, "Would you like to leave Boy?"

"No sir, I-im fine" moody, satisfied walked away and contuied the lesson.

Herbology, was next with the Hufflepuff's harry was not looking forward to it, Hargrid would defiantly know something was wrong, suddenly he felt and itch in his wrist, he stopped walking, "err Hermione?" "Yeah?" "Could you tell Hagrid I've gone to the tower" "what why?" "Well, because you know..." "Yeah sure harry" "Thanks".

Harry ran up to the tower as fast as his legs could take him, " Bravery" harry panted and the door opened he ran upstairs, and sat on his bed he needed to satisfy the itch!, His eyes locked on the keyring Ron had bought him all, when he went to Egypt, His dad wanted them all to have something Muggle, Harry undid the keychain, and tossed the little pyramid aside, so just the sharp,silver,circle remained, Harry scratched his main vein with it, it was satisfying even though the marks wouldn't stay they didn't even cut the skin he needed from that day, he used the Circle as a ring and carried it wherever he went.

Okay guys, Chapter 3 Done!,

I don't not own harry Potter this is purely fanfic!

Thanks for reading,

Hopefully, this was longer than usual (fingers crossed!)

Please review!


	4. Harry is Broken

**Disclaimer-I do not own harry potter J. does**

Harry was getting scared at himself at least, He was walking back to herbology where he could already see hagrid in the distance, His back was burning from the sunlight he wasn't one of these people he didn't need this he was just pathetic, Harry bit his lip yes I am pathetic that's why I need this,

Hagrid was Standing next to a centaur, of which the class were asking questions to, Harry snuck in hoping to not be noticed, but then hagrid waved his big hand in the air and shouted "Hi ya! Arry how ya feeling!" Harry ducked his head in shame, his cheeks glowed red he look through the hair that was covering his face, Hermione looked at him her lips pursed clearly aware of what Hagrid had just done, Some Hufflepuffs were looking at him some concerned?, How can they be concerned about me!?, I Killed their Friend!, I killed their classmate!, I killed their Champion!.

Despite all this harry look up and plastered on a smile, "Fine sir thanks, How about you?" "Fine Harry!" Harry loved it when hagrid smiled it made him feel happy inside, Herbology went well afterwards, At Lunch Fred and George kept trying to get harry to eat custard cremes he knew better,

Hermione looked at her friend concerned, "Harry, Your not eating again" Harry looked at her dead in the eye, "They've probably, Done something to it all" Harry joked "Harry.." " yeah Ron?" "I know your upset or whatever but that's no excuse not to eat".

Harry felt the feeling again, This time he fully exploded, he stood up " WHAT DO YOU KNOW RON HUH?" "Harry sit down!," Hermione hissed "NO, I WILL NOT JUST SIT DOWN HERMIONE!, HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE, TO BE A MURDERER!, TO BE A DISAPPOINTMENT!, A REJECT!, AND YOU KNOW WHAT!" everyone was staring at harry now and Dumbledore and professor McGonagall along with professor moody had rose from their seats, and were walking toward Harry Moody the fastest of them all, "YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOU WEASLEY!, YOUR NOTHING BUT AN INTERFERING LITTLE SCRUFF!" Fred and George had got up, and moody had quickened to a jog, Harry had ceased Ron up by his shirt, and was shaking him, at this point, Harry kicked Ron in the stomach with his knee, Ron was on the ground, Fred and George Sprinted over to him, Fred Beside him George had gone up to harry, " I thought you were better than this" he shook his head, Moody had now grabbed harry put his hands behind him and ducked his head, "COME ON BOY!" He bellowed.

Harry looked behind him, he realised what he'd just done the doors shut leaving the great hall behind him.

Moody let go of harry, Tears splattered the floor, Surprisingly, Dumbledore had placed a hand on Harry's back, "Come with me", Harry was sure to be expelled.

Harry was sitting in Dumbledores office, Dumbledore stared at him "what was it this time harry?" "I'm sorry sure I don't know what you mean" "What made you, Lash out on Ronald" "oh um well" "well?" "He was questioning me" "saying I'm just cranky because I was upset about my mum and dad, and that's why I'm not eating."

Dumbledore leant back in his chair, opened a drawer and handed Harry a card, "It is required harry" the card was purple and shone like a rainbow, "What's it for sir?" "Whenever you feel angry or like hurting someone it'll teleport you to my waiting room" "oh" harry looked down, "this isn't about your mum and dad is it Harry?" "I d-dont know what you mean sir" "Its about Cedric isn't it?" Harry flinched at this, "That's all I need Harry you may leave" "aren't I going to be punished sir?"

"No, grief can do terrible things to a person Harry" and with that harry left he went up to the gyriffindor tower and sat on his bed.

If Dumbledore wasn't going to punish him he'd have to do it himself.

Harry began to scratch at his wrist with the ring but I wasn't enough harry knew what he needed. He got out his wand "Accio Razor!" A razor most likely from a 5th or 6th year landed in his hand, his heart was pounding against his chest, he removed the safety cap looked at the razor for a moment.

And he Slit the side of his wrist,

Suddenly he felt calm his heart was beating at a normal pace, the blood coming across the cut was almost beautiful, he smiled and did it again, he was shaking a little but that didn't matter.

He attended the rest of his lessons and finished all his work, he fell asleep and didn't even dream...

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **A little short I know but lots of llama drama!,**

 **I don't own harry potter!**

 **Please please review,**

 **I always reply!**


	5. Hermonie gets suspicious!

**I dont own Harry potter although I wish I did!,**

 **Special thanks to:**

 **5423789**

 **Who has helped a lot with this fic!**

 **I'm dedicating this chapter to them**

Harry had gotten through most of the week without his friends, which was a bad thing because he now had cuts all the way up his arm, and they got deeper as they went on,

Harry sat at the breakfast table, it was 6 am once again him and Hermione were the only ones at the table, Harry sipped his coffee, he felt a tap on his shoulder most likely Malfoy making another joke about him.

It was Hermione, "Can I sit harry?" "Free country" he muttered, she looked into her friends eyes full of concern, her friends eyes were no long emerald but just a simple plain green, they had lost their sparkle.

"Harry I've missed you" Harry put his coffee down "W-why would you have missed me I beat up our best Friend" He sounded like the boy Hermione used to know, Not the Aggressive idiot who could snap at any moment, She placed her hand on his, "Harry, Your going through a tough time, to be honest I don't think you should have reacted the way you did, But yet I understand why you did, I missed the boy I used to know, The one on the train with the over sized baggy clothes, The one who I brewed a potion with while a Annoying ghost was in the bathroom!" Harry smiled slightly at this, "I miss the girl who repaired my glasses" he said it was barely a whisper but Hermione, heard it "Friends?" "Yeah okay" Hermione threw her arms around Harry and Harry did the same back,

Harry and Hermione chatted for a while just about normal things Malfoy, Lessons Snape etc. When the bell rang for first lesson, "What have we got?" Said harry "Divination unfortunately" "You really hated her don't you?" "Don't get me started!"

Harry walked through the trapdoor where he settled down next to Hermione much to Ron's disliking, Hermione's lips curled at this.

"Class!, Today we are doing Palm readings!, Now I need a few volunteers!, Neville!, Harry!, Hermione!, Come up to the front!

Neville dearest! You first!" She began to read Neville's palm lines harry and Hermione, didn't care much they both knew it was fake,

"The thing that you love, Shall return with a spring in its step!" The students clapped at this 'Pathetic' Thought harry we all know Neville loses his pet frog 24/7 "Hermione!" "Great" she muttered "The thing that brings you worry shall be revealed to you soon" everyone clapped Hermione looked stunned oh please! Not her too! "Harry" she said with a crooked smile Harry held out his palm and felt tingles across it when she touched it "The boy who does others harm, can no longer, so he finds a substitute to inflict it on something else" there were ooh's and ah's across the classroom.

Harry went pale, how did she? How did she know?, Hermione walked up to him, " You okay?, You're pale again harry!" "Am I? Oh I need to get a tan!" Hermione giggled at this "Seriously though you should get that checked out!" Divination ended and so did Dada, It was lunch and once again harry couldn't eat, Hermione decided to sit next to Ron so harry was alone once again.

Dumbledores eyes fell on harry, the boy looked pale and thin he had dark circles around his eyes, he looked like a skeleton, He called over madam pomfrey and pointed him out to her, she agreed to see the boy for a check up next lesson.

Hermione walked over to Harry, "Hey can we talk you know alone?," "Yeah sure!" They walked just outside of moaning myrtles bathroom, "So what's up Hermione?" "Harry,you know in divination?" Harry's heart pounded please don't be the question please! "She was speaking the truth about me, and about Neville" "What do you mean, What do you worry" "I worry that's something wrong with you harry" she couldn't meet his eyes, "You care about me?" Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry's shoulders and whispered in his ear, "More than anyone" Harry's eye had filled with tears "Thanks Hermione" "Harry?" "Yeah?" "Yours was true wasn't it?" Harry let go of Hermione, "Some of it" "About you harming something else?" "Yeah" "Harry you haven't been hurting you have you?" Harry's pupils widened and his heart pace quickened once again, "Nothing like that Hermione I promise you" "promise?" "Promise" then the bell rung

 **Thanks guys!**

 **I don't own harry potter J K Rowling does!**

 **Next chapter is something exciting and will be longer I promise! - more discovery will be made!**

 **Please review!**


	6. Ron starts to Notice

**I don't own harry potter J. does**

Harry and Hermione were starting to walk to Dada, When Malfoy turned up, "Potters got a temper!" "Leave him alone Malfoy!" "Awhh got a mudblood to fight your battles for you!" Harry and Hermione just walked on..

"Well done Harry!" Harry just smiled they walked into Dada getting their quills out when there was a knock on the door.

"Sorry to bother you professor Moody but may I have Harry?"

"Go on Boy!".

Harry gathered up his things quietly as he could, be was starting to feel sick as he was walking down with to the hospital wing,

" Um why am I here?" "For a check up!" "Oh why?"" The Headmaster ordered it!"

She sat harry on bed, and asked for his name and details.

"Alright then would you take off your cloak ?" Harry did as he was told, "and your shoes, step on the scales please!" Harry stepped on the scales, the numbers came up '40.4' kg Which was very underweight for his height and age,

"Hmm okay would you take your shirt off harry?" 'Damn he thought, I can't She'll know! "No" said harry "What do you mean no?" "I don't want to!" "Stop being silly !" "You can't make me!" He was right she couldn't she stared at the boy.

"Would you rather Dumbledore, or an advanced student come do it?" "No!" She scribbled something down on her notepad and checked his heart rate, "You may go harry" the bell had rung it was tea time.

Harry once again didn't go to dinner, He felt like he wanted to explode again, he lay down on his bed and looked up, "Why did I allow Cedric to die?, Why did my mum sacrifice herself for me?" He'd turned over and started to cry.

Ron looked at the bed to his left, his best friend was lying there, sobbing his heart out speaking to himself, Fred and George had just come up the steps and saw Harry, he was trembling now shaking, "Come on,Ron" Said Fred "Let's leave him be.

Harry, Needed the razor he opened his draw and decides he. Needed to be more discrete about his cuts, he pulled down his trouser leg, and pushed the razor in deeper than ever before, Blood spilled and Harry grabbed a nearby sock to stop the blood getting on his pajamas..

 _"Harry" it was his mum, " why did I die for you?" Harry's dad put his arm around Lilly "Im ashamed of you harry!" "We should of had a son,Like Cedric" "He was braver at least he isn't a murderer"_

Meanwhile, Hermione was getting worried about Harry, when Ron sat next to her at Dinner he said "Hermione?" "Yeah Ron?" "What wrong with Harry?" "I Dont know Ronald, Though I wish I did" "we need to do something" "I was think of well contacting Sirius" "We could, shall we go to the owlery? " I think that'd be wise.

Harry awoke he had that headache again, harry closed his curtain out his head in his knees and clutched his arms around himself, Dinner hadn't even ended, yet he'd already awoken.

When Ron and Hermione got to the Owlery Hermione Started to write a letter.

 _Hey Sirius!,_

 _Its Harry's friends, Ron and Hermione Hope Your well!,_

 _We are Writing to you because we are concerned about Harry, he's been acting strange since he came out of the Hospital wing, He Attacked Draco Malfoy and has Beaten up Ron he hasn't eaten, He keeps going off and on top of all this Ron saw him crying his eyes out in the dorms just now, In divination Harry me and Neville had our palms read both ours were true when she did Harry's she said, "The boy who hurts others cannot no more so he hurts something else" I questioned Harry about this as he's allowing me to speak to him now but he said some of its true and the part that's he's hurting something else is, I asked him if it was himself and he replied no its nothing like that, could you speak him Sirius please?,_

 _Ron and Hermione_

They attached the envelope on to the owls leg and said Sirius Black,

Harry was scared, he wanted someone anyone just to put his arms around him!, but he had no one but himself,

He cried himself to sleep,

The next morning Harry's face was red and blotchy, so he washed it in a near by Toilet when he came out he dressed an went to breakfast,

He sat next to Hermione, and once again poured himself coffee "Bad night?" Harry nodded slowly, "you gonna eat today?" " of course I am I always eat silly!" "Of course you do harry!" "I do watch!" Harry grabbed a crossiant and bit into it, "There!" Hermione ruffled his hair "good potter!" She joked Harry laughed and pulled her hair,"Oi" they ended up in a heap of laughter,

The owls came in then and dropped , a letter to Harry and Hermione,

Harry opened his,

 _Can we talk at the Owlery 1am?,_

 _Sirius,_

Hermione opened hers,

 _Thanks for informing me. Hermione I do fear that this is the case, I pray to god that it is not stay by him all day for me Hermione okay?,_

 _Sirius_

Harry sent a reply sayings he'd be there.

 **Thanks guys!,**

 **I dont own Harry potter j k Rowling does!**

 **Please review!**

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	7. Sirius knows

**I don't own Harry potter j. does!**

Harry went to bed early that night, hoping he could get some sleep before Sirius arrived, he dreamt the same dream of his father and his mother, he awoke around midnight and felt a urge to punish himself he dug the razor into his wrist, letting the pools of blood fall...

It was 1am and harry hadn't arrived yet, worried, Sirius went to the dorms to find the boy, he walked up the stairs to the gyriffindor tower and found what he'd never thought he'd er see, his god son pale and covered in blood a razor in his hand..

Harry's sobs were getting out of control now, he saw a black dog looking back at him, "Sirius" he whispered padfoot closed the curtains with his teeth, And once done he changed back.

Sirius sat on his godsons bed, looked at the once emerald green eyes that were now a swampy color, "Sirius i-im sorry" Sirius felt emotion rising within him, he put his arm around the boy.

Harry clutched onto Sirius as if it was his life, He cried his Sobs filling the room, Sirius held his godson tight he needed him...

They sat there at least two hours, when harry sobs changed to sniffles the whole time Sirius had his hand on his godsons wound to try and stop the bleeding, he let go of the boy "I love you harry" "i-i love you too Sirius" They lay on the bed until harry fell asleep, Sirius was going to move but he knew the boy would need him just as much in the morning..

He fell asleep next to him,

Ron saw that Harry's curtains were closed and he was going to wake him, but he opened the curtain and was shocked by what he saw, Sirius and harry sleeping with Sirius's hand on Harry's wrist, which was covered with blood, Ron ran down to breakfast where he found Hermione and started to shake her shoulder, "What is it Ron!",

Ron explained what he had saw and they both agreesed to go see Dumbledore,

Guys I know this chapters painfully short but I think we should start off with a new chapter for what's going to happen next!,

Thanks for reading guys,

I don't own harry potter!,

Please review


	8. Quick annocement

**Hey guys,**

 **Just a quick announcement!,**

 **I cant believe that amount of support I have had with these story's, I started two days ago, and I've already had two people asking me to be betas and over 400 views altogether!**

 **From as far as China ,India the States!, I cannot believe it I am making an upload schedule as I have three story's to write now!,**

 **Broken bones will be uploaded at around 4pm everyday!**

 **Harry potter and the battle of his own will be uploaded at 6pm everyday**

 **What harry couldn't fight with magic will be uploaded a little more slowly than others as I want the chapters to be longer and research has to go into it,**

 **You may have noticed all these have a theme, of something that's well not good I guess I have experienced, bulling self harm etc but I have not experienced cancer, although my nan god bless died from breast cancer I never got to meet beer as she died only a few months before my birth, she seemed like a wonderful woman who didn't deserve it , no one does I have since dedicated my life to becoming a doctor, to help others who go though the same things as that wonderful woman, my brother went into depression and I know for a fact my nan would've been right beside him, as she would of me, I don't know much about cancer which is why I am researching cancer, if you guys could help me with this I'd be most grateful.**

 **But I'll try and upload daily!,**

 **If you guys have any recommendations, I'd be happy to add them to the story**

 **Thanks guys,**

 **Sydney x**


	9. We know harry

**I don't own Harry potter j. does!**

Ron and Hermione ran to Dumbledores office "Lemon sherbert" panted Ron, they didn't even wait in the waiting room they barged in, Dumbledore looked curiously at them, "What's the meaning of this!" "Sir its Harry!" He stood up, "whats wrong with him" "him and Sirius are in the tower covered in blood!" Breathed Ron, Dumbledore practically ran to the gyriffindor tower, "Bravery!" Shouted Hermione everyone stared at them in the common room they got up the stairs,

Dumbledore made everyone clear out, When Ron pulled the curtains back, Dumbledore paled, "Hermione" "Y-yes" "Go get madam pomfrey" Dumbledore was trying to keep calm, "Ron i it thinks it best you go find your brothers, at the table" "Yes sir" and with that Ron went, Dumbledore didn't know if they were aware, that harry has done this to himself but never the less he woke Sirius, "Sirius, let him go" Sirius looked at his godson suddenly re aware of what had happened, gulped and transformed into snuffles..

Madam pomfrey, cleaned Harry's wounds, he had not awoken,the blood loss was too much, And Dumbledore picked harry up and carried him to the Hospital wing, He looked at the boy in his arms sadly, He was once the boy who was confidant and strong, how had he not noticed sooner?,

Madam pompfrey attached a drip to harry, he was also being given blood, Snape had been asked to make some potions to help but he didn't know who or what it was for and didn't ask,

It was two weeks later when harry finally awoke, He didn't know where he was at first the last thing he remembered was Sirius holding him, then he realised he was in the hospital, He wanted to buzz the bell, but also wanted to think, but he also didn't want to think when he thought it made things worse he buzzed the bell.

Madam pomfrey looked like she had ran to his bed, "Harry!, You're awake!", Harry just stared at her those emerald green eyes duller than ever, she checked him over and said he could go, it was dinner time soon so she said he could go for a walk before hand, He walked to the river, the wind in his hair, he smiled then he felt free...

He heard the bell go for tea, he got up and walked to the great hall, He was at the gryffindor table late and sat down tiredly, He didn't want to eat he just didn't feel like it he purposely isolated himself from Ron and Hermonie, he just didn't want anything or anyone, he just wanted himself...

Professor McGonagall came up to him, " I'm guess your not eating Harry? " he shook his head "Care to come to my office?" "Yeah okay" Harry said sadly he wanted to cry he wanted Sirius.

"Harry are you okay?" Harry bit his lip and held back the tears and nodded "Harry we really need to talk don't we?" "A-about what professor?" "Harry take a look at your wrists" Professor McGonagall pulled back his sleeve "please don't..." "We know Harry, me Dumbledore, lupin madam pompfrey" "why did you bring me here, why did you help me?" "Because you needed it harry!" "I don't want you help!" The tears finally falling down his cheeks, suddenly something grabbed harry, everything blurred and he'd ended up in Dumbledores waiting room...

 **Another shortie!**

 **I need to improve I know but I've been out all day**

 **Love you guys!**

 **Please review!**


	10. A new page

**I dont own harry Potter,**

 **Some things taken from the song unr** avel,

Harry was beckoned into Dumbledores office, dumble pointed to a seat, harry sat he was holding his cuts, his head bowed crying, two words were said "What happend?",

Harry look the man in the eyes his eyes full of pain and said dumbledore said " something has changed Harry hasn't it something deep down inside, the pieces they just don't fit"

Harry thought about this it was nearest to the truth, "You need to help yourself harry,no one else can" hair looked down and clenched his fists, "I'm b-broken now why should I try?, I'll bear this pain like them" "Like who?" "Cedric,mum,dad everyone people have put their faith in me and I blew it, too many life's have been lost, too many battles, too many wars,I allowed him to rise again" Dumbledore considered this,

Suddenly Dumbledore grabbed Harry's wrist, "Then why lose another one, You say your mother's sacrifice was for nothing , it will be , if you dont help yourself" Harry walked out and left,

He went to the common room, he'd missed a lot of class lately one more wouldn't hurt, he considered what dumbledore said he needed to prove to himself and to everyone else that he was fine..

He was going to try,

The bell rang for lunch harry sat between Ron and Hermione he turned to Ron, "Ron, I'm sorry for hurting you, I was in a bad place you have no reason to forgive me, I wouldn't forgive me, but I will still fight for your forgiveness even if you say no" "Harry, I never stopped being your friend, and I never will, You soppy twat" Harry smiled grabbed a sandwich and tried to eat he'd got about half way, which was good since he hardly ever eats then he saw something Hermione was beaming at him..

He felt someone watching him, it was Dumbledore he looked proud, Then he felt someone thump his back causing him to choke, Harry stood and turned around to see who the culprit was, Of course it was malfoy "What do you think your doing malfoy!" "Angry are we Potter?" He laughed "No, No Draco I'm not, I'm disappointed" "What you trying to say potter!" "Disappointed at myself, To let your Childish antics get to me" and with that harry sat, Snape was getting up but Dumbledore made him sit back down..

Harry's day went well after that, He had potions wit Snape last which Snape took twenty points for the incident at dinner, Harry just shrugged and Ron laughed at him, five more were taken, he'd not managed to eat at dinner, he was still full at lunch but had a glass of pumpkin juice and went to bed,

He had the same dream about cedric, back when everything started, he shook ron awake he was crying but his eyes were starting to regain their sparkle, "Will you stay up with me Ron?" Harry blushed at the thought of acting like a child, Ron sat up, "Of course harry of course I will" they spent the night talking mainly about Fred and Georges latest pranks, untill the sun rose,

"Give me coffee!" Ron shouted at the breakfast table, Harry was laughing his head off he was starting to be himself again, He helped himself to coffee and even a slice of toast, his head had been tugged by Malfoy, harry signed and got up, "What is it now Malfoy!" "Told he would, Little Golden boy!" "Golden boy?" "You never get punishment for anything you do you skip class punch your best friend and yet you never receive punishment, not even detention!" Harry looked down at the floor, "Yeah well maybe I've received enough punishment in the past," "What do you mean potter!?" Harry put to Draco's surprise a hand on his shoulder, "Be the bigger person Draco walk away," Suddenly draco grabbed Harry's arm twisted it and pulled down his sleeve "LET GO OF ME!" Harry shouted, Snape professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were walking quick as they could, "What are these" Draco laughed, "Have you been cutting yourself golden boy!?" The Slytherin table laughed while Harry struggled Ron came over to pull draco off, joined by Hermione, Once released Harry ran he didn't know where he was going but he needed to be alone,

Thanks guys!

Yet again its short,

Please review

dont own harry Potter,

Some things taken from the song unravel,

Harry was beckoned into Dumbledores office, dumble pointed to a seat, harry sat he was holding his cuts, his head bowed crying, two words were said "What happend?",

Harry look the man in the eyes his eyes full of pain and said dumbledore said " something has changed Harry hasn't it something deep down inside, the pieces they just don't fit"

Harry thought about this it was nearest to the truth, "You need to help yourself harry,no one else can" hair looked down and clenched his fists, "I'm b-broken now why should I try?, I'll bear this pain like them" "Like who?" "Cedric,mum,dad everyone people have put their faith in me and I blew it, too many life's have been lost, too many battles, too many wars,I allowed him to rise again" Dumbledore considered this,

Suddenly Dumbledore grabbed Harry's wrist, "Then why lose another one, You say your mother's sacrifice was for nothing , it will be , if you dont help yourself" Harry walked out and left,

He went to the common room, he'd missed a lot of class lately one more wouldn't hurt, he considered what dumbledore said he needed to prove to himself and to everyone else that he was fine..

 _He was going to try,_

The bell rang for lunch harry sat between Ron and Hermione he turned to Ron, "Ron, I'm sorry for hurting you, I was in a bad place you have no reason to forgive me, I wouldn't forgive me, but I will still fight for your forgiveness even if you say no" "Harry, I never stopped being your friend, and I never will, You soppy twat" Harry smiled grabbed a sandwich and tried to eat he'd got about half way, which was good since he hardly ever eats then he saw something Hermione was beaming at him..

He felt someone watching him, it was Dumbledore he looked proud, Then he felt someone thump his back causing him to choke, Harry stood and turned around to see who the culprit was, Of course it was malfoy "What do you think your doing malfoy!" "Angry are we Potter?" He laughed "No, No Draco I'm not, I'm disappointed" "What you trying to say potter!" "Disappointed at myself, To let your Childish antics get to me" and with that harry sat, Snape was getting up but Dumbledore made him sit back down..

Harry's day went well after that, He had potions wit Snape last which Snape took twenty points for the incident at dinner, Harry just shrugged and Ron laughed at him, five more were taken, he'd not managed to eat at dinner, he was still full at lunch but had a glass of pumpkin juice and went to bed,

He had the same dream about cedric, back when everything started, he shook ron awake he was crying but his eyes were starting to regain their sparkle, "Will you stay up with me Ron?" Harry blushed at the thought of acting like a child, Ron sat up, "Of course harry of course I will" they spent the night talking mainly about Fred and Georges latest pranks, untill the sun rose,

"Give me coffee!" Ron shouted at the breakfast table, Harry was laughing his head off he was starting to be himself again, He helped himself to coffee and even a slice of toast, his head had been tugged by Malfoy, harry signed and got up, "What is it now Malfoy!" "Told he would, Little Golden boy!" "Golden boy?" "You never get punishment for anything you do you skip class punch your best friend and yet you never receive punishment, not even detention!" Harry looked down at the floor, "Yeah well maybe I've received enough punishment in the past," "What do you mean potter!?" Harry put to Draco's surprise a hand on his shoulder, "Be the bigger person Draco walk away," Suddenly draco grabbed Harry's arm twisted it and pulled down his sleeve "LET GO OF ME!" Harry shouted, Snape professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were walking quick as they could, "What are these" Draco laughed, "Have you been cutting yourself golden boy!?" The Slytherin table laughed while Harry struggled Ron came over to pull draco off, joined by Hermione, Once released Harry ran he didn't know where he was going but he needed to be alone,

 **Thanks guys!**

 **Yet again its short,**

 **Please review**


	11. A silver quill

**I don't own harry potter** ,

Harry ran, his hair going through the wind he wanted to punish himself for being pathetic, but that excuse was well pathetic..

He found himself near the whomping willow, as decided he was being stupid as he was walking along the river, A doe passed him the same pale one from his dreams, he followed it, and saw Snape standing there, "Come on potter!" "S-sir I'm sorry" "What for?" "What happened,back there" "My student caused the incident you simply tried to stop it, there was no reason to be sorry" Harry nodded and bit his lip "Sir did you see that doe?" "Yes harry, it is mine" "But sir, my mum she" he paused "its hers" Snape didn't speak after that, harry was put in Dumbledores waiting room, he didn't feel angry or sad infact he felt numb...

"Harry" said dumbledore he looked sadly at him, "There's two people who want to see you", it was Hermione and Ron, Hermione was crying and Ron just looked sad his brow frowned, Hermione wrapped her arms around him, Harry patted her back awkwardly " why d-didnt you tell us!" "I didn't want you two to see what i had become, so please stop looking at my arms like that, can you leave me alone, its better if you go" with that Hermione left the room, " please sir I'm tired I want to go to sleep" "Harry you were happy what changed" "I don't know, something changed inside of me I can't be happy, I can't be free" "Why not?!" "Because they follow me wherever I go" and with that harry walked out and headed to bed feeling numb,

Breakfast the next morning was a grim affair, People stared at harry as he sat down at the end of the Gyriffindor table it was pretty early, Hogsmeade was today he had no idea what he was going to do, He didn't eat much , but he had a few bites of toast, To try and show everyone he was okay, His stomach suddenly felt full, and harry felt all the fats and calories swirling inside him, feeling sick with himself he ran to the toilets, He tried to vomit putting the fingers down his throat, But couldn't bring himself to he got up shaking , and tried to brush his hair into place at the mirror, And of course it didn't Harry gulped it was time to leave for Hogsmeade, They all signed out and were guided to the town, Harry didn't know what to do so he hung round outside the shop that sold quills,

A Quill with a silvery white feather caught his eye it reminded him so much of Hedwig harry quickly checked his pockets and counted his change, he had just enough, he wanted to buy himself a butter beer later but that didn't matter, suddenly harry felt something rubbing against his leg, it was a black dog, Harry smiled at it , and followed the dog to an alley,

The dog stated to grow into a a form of a man, Which wrapped their arms around Harry, surprisingly harry Hugged the man back, and if course it was Sirius,

Sirius looked at Harry his brow frowned in concern, "How are you doing harry?" Harry went to turn away but Sirius placed his hands firmly on Harry shoulders, "Harry..." "Draco knows" Harry blurted out quicker than he wanted to, "What?" "Draco Malfoy knows about the thing" Sirius took a sharp breathe and looked harry in the eyes he knew what this would mean for harry, "D-does anyone else?" "Everyone Sirius , Everyone" Harry spoke firmly Sirius pulled harry closer, he looked into Harry's eyes, "When did the light go out harry?" Sirius pulled away "What do you mean?" "Your eyes, their dull" "That's incredibly creepy" "I know" Sirius laughed he put some coins into Harry's hand, "Go get us some drinks harry I'll wait here"

Harry had a werid feeling while he bought the drinks , so little was said back there yet it seemed like it meant a lot , Harry strolled out of the three broomsticks, he caught Ron and Hermione's eyes.

Harry passed the bottle to the man sitting on the concrete, and handed him the change, Sirius waved his hand "No, you keep it harry" "Sure?" "Yeah I got quite a bit now I've left that cave" Harry pocketed the leftover Knut's, there was silence while they drank, About halfway Sirius out of no where said, "I love you Harry" Harry looked at Sirius and nodded "I love you too Sirius " Sirius held harry untill they'd finished drinking Sirius checked his watch and stood up, "I believe its time for you to go Harry," "Already?" "Seems so" harry got up and wrapped his scarf around his neck, "I guess I'll see you Sirius" Harry gulped, they had one final hug, and they parted ways.

Dinner came and went another depressing affair, Harry once again went to bed as early as he possibly could, he couldn't sleep knowing there was a razor under his bed, everyone had long gone to sleep, Harry got up and took the razor, went into the bathroom and binned it, hoping he'd never need it again,

"I'm proud of you harry" came a voice behind him harry turned around to see a head full of red hair and a face full of freckles, "I'm sorry Ron" "I know harry let's get back to bed"

Harry woke up that morning, feeling a little better, He ran his hands though his hair, Pulled on A checked shirt that was way too big for him, harry smiled at this, this must of been Dudley's when he was about ten, and yet it still didn't fit harry,

He knew he didn't weigh that much but he did wish to be a little lighter.

Harry sat next to Ron at breakfast there wasn't much talking but Hermione did come sit next to them, The owls swooped down, dropping a parcel in front of harry, "No post on sundays" said a voice in Harry's head, he smiled.

Harry opened the parcel to see a quill and some ink inside, it was the same one Harry had meant to buy yesterday, there was a letter inside,

 _Now you can write to me in style!, I saw you looking at this yesterday I hope I got the right one!, looks like Hedwig's doesn't it, it's not I can asure you!,_

 _Stay strong harry!,_

 _Sirius_

Harry smiled, and tested the quill on the corner on a napkin on the table, "Thats the same shade as Hedwig Harry!" Said Hermione, she hadn't spoke a word to him since the other night, "I know, its beautiful" smiled harry..

 **R to the E to the V to the I to the E to the W**

 **Thanks guys review!**


	12. Freak show

**I don't own harry potter**

Harry, needed to finish his potions essay, and as the common room was full he headed to the library,

Hermione was there obviously, her head engrossed in a book,

Harry sat next to her she looked up at him and beamed, "You okay Harry?" She said in a whisper, "Yeah you?" He replied "I'm good" the thing about this was she wasn't asking harry if he was alright because of the cutting etc. But because she was being polite, "What are you reading?" Harry said a little too loudly "SHHH!" Hermione smiled " keep your voice down harry, Its Defence against the dark arts, I think we missed out a lot this year , I'm going need It for our owls, Harry knew full well she'd getting an outstanding harry put his head down and began to scribble down the essay,

Harry noticed how his new quill glistened in the library lights, thinking of Hedwig and Sirius, He smiled, He'd been doing that a lot more than usual lost in thought the lunch bell rang, "Coming harry?" Hermione whispered "No, I gotta finish this, I got charms to do as well" "I'll see you later then" "yeah see you" surely missing a meal was gonna help harry lose weight, its at least about 200 calories right?, possibly, maybe less?

Harry went up to the dorm, he looked to see if it was empty then sat on his bed, looked at his sleeves, and pulled them down there were some scars from the deeper cuts and some were fading it was almost annoying to see this, but harry decided he was gonna have to bear it and walked out of the dorms.

Harry walked down to the common room where he found Ron and Hermione, it was almost dinner harry thought, they were probably here to make sure he ate, "Hi" he said as he walked up to them, "Do you fancy walking to the hall early?, I'm starving" said Ron "To be honest Ronald when are you not hungry" "When I'm sleeping?" "I doubt that even Ron" Harry put on a fake chuckle "yeah let's go!".

They were walking to the hall when Malfoy burst out in front of them, " Mudblood,Weasel, Scarface" he nodded toward them as he said their 'names', "What do you want, Malfoy!" "Suppose I can't call you scarface anymore,Potter can i?, I mean you got quite a few more" harry looked down at his wrist and self consciously pulled his sleeves down, Draco smiled at this, "Triggered, are we Potter?, Where's your blades?, You probably want to slice your self up don't you potter!, It surprises me I never thought you could get more of a freak!" All of a sudden Ron lunged at malfoy,

"Ron No!" Screamed Hermione, Hermione tried to pull him off but only harry managed to looking down with tears threating to spill, Harry said "Please Ron, Mate," Ron pulled off "He's not worth it" Ron just nodded and they left the corridor together leaving a malfoy on the floor and people staring.

They sat in the hall now late there wasn't many spaces left, they found two next to Fred and George and on opposite, Harry didn't touch anything he didn't want to, he just stared at his plate, Malfoy was right, he was a freak, Ron however was still eating with gusto, Hermione ate but played with her food a lot, Harry rose from his seat, "I'm gonna go to bed guys, write a letter to Sirius, Hermione placed a hand on harrys, " Don't y-you know" harry smiled at her, " I'm past that Hermione" and walked off.

Harry sat in his pajamas on the end of his bed not quite, sure what to do he could write a letter, bit what would he say, harry grabbed some parchment and ink and dipped his quill,

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _Malfoy is getting worse, he's_

'No no' thought harry he scribbled it out

 _How are you, hope your well!, How are things they are not to well over her-_

'No I can't put that'

 _Last night, I got rid of the well the thing, Ron told me he was proud of me and we have resolved our issues, Me Ron and Hermione I mean, Today Malfoy was being rather harsh but I'm not gonna let him get to me, Ron went for him but I managed to stop him before any serious harm was done, I want to thank you for the quill its beautiful and yes it was the right one, I've had a few compliments on it, im writing with it at the moment, I hope your okay!,_

 _Love,_

 _Harry_

Harry folded the parchment, and grabbed his invisibility cloak he wasn't about to walk around the school in his pajamas, he managed to get to the Owlery and attach the message to Hedwig's leg, she nipped him and flew off.

He was walking back through a corridor when he bumped into professor McGonagall, he thought he got away with I when he heard a whisper in his ear, "You do know Mr potter, That your still aloud to be out of your dorms" she smiled "I know I'm urr in my pajamas" McGonagall smiled "Potters" she said and shook her head.

Harry got back to his dorm and took his cloak off to find only Ron sitting on his bed wringing his hands, "Harry!, I thought you did a runner!" "I wasn't gonna go to the Owlery in my pajamas Ron!" "I forgot sorry" "its okay" said Harry as he got under his covers, "Harry about today.." "You over reacted Ron know he knows how to get to you" "I know but I wasn't just about to let him insult my best friend like that" "I get it Ron, just don't if there's a next time alright?" "Yeah sure", and with that Harry turned around and fell asleep,

 ** _Harry was in the middle of a platform raised high in the air, everyone around him was laughing, he was only in his boxers harry was embrassed, he crossed his legs realising, all his marks,cuts and scars were on show, A sign in colored lights Said 'FREAK SHOW' another platform raised, Draco was on it in what looked liked a ringmaster costume, " Come one,come all, See the boy who lived!, who wants to die!, See him tear his limbs apart!" People pointed and laughed, A carriage came by pulled by pale does with emerald green eyes, in the carriage was His mum and dad along with Cedric, they were laughing hysterically, and pointing then Harry had enough and jumped of his platform.._**

Harry woke with a start and inhaled a sharp breath, he was sweating furiously, and he felt angry for some reason more than sad or upset, it looked like he wasn't getting much sleep tonight...

 **Thanks guys,**

 **Please review it helps so much!,**


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